Tuesday 26 June 2012

The Only Reference Point You Have



What am I willing to do to get enlightened?

What am I NOT willing to do to get enlightened?

What am I willing to give up for my freedom?

What am I NOT willing to give up for my freedom?

Seem like good, basic questions, right?

They SEEM like it. But they’re not. Whether or not I think I am committed to the idea of freedom and enlightenment, and whether or not I really am (which I’m not or I wouldn’t BE here), the problem is that I DON’T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT FREEDOM OR ENLIGHTENMENT.

OK maybe that’s not quite true. Perchance I doth exaggerate. I do know the first thing, and the first thing I know is also the last thing: I know what they’re not. I know because I’M NOT FREE AND I’M NOT ENLIGHTENED. So all I have to do is look in the GODDAMN MIRROR at the SAD FUCK looking back, and I’ve got a pretty good point of reference to work with.

That reference point is all any of us do have. Freedom is what you haven’t got, and enlightened is exactly what YOU are not.

That means everything that I DO have, and everything that I AM, is exactly what has to go.

That’s the logic of it. You know it and I know it, but since the logic of it SUCKS BALLS, I tell myself that maybe there’s a flaw somewhere in there, so I better not burn all my bridges, better to go back to doing SOMETHING to get enlightened instead of ANYTHING, and give up SOMETHING for freedom, instead of EVERYTHING.

What the fuck: I did my bit, right? Maybe I can do what needs to be done, bit by tiny bit, and give up what has to go a little at a time? And maybe even I won’t be OLD, SENILE, AND INFIRM by the time I have found the FUCKING BALLS to just DO WHAT MUST BE DONE AND LET IT ALL BURN DOWN and then PISS ON THE ASHES.

Maybe, right?

Urrrm, what’s on TV, dude? Pass the bong.



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